Turning 39

As I enter my final year of my 30s, it feels like a good time to reflect a bit. I wrote a similar, yet incredibly long winded, post entitled Turning 32 back when I turned...32. I don't think this will be nearly as wordy, but it's a stream of consciousness type post so we'll see. Unlike 32, I've started to feel my age. So if you were to ask me the question "Do you feel older?" today, the answer would certainly be yes. It's not a bad thing, it's not that I feel like my body is breaking down or that I see the world in some significantly different ways. My life has just transitioned so much since that last post, especially in the past 2 years or so. 

Going back a few years, I'm so thankful for my weight loss journey and being able to mostly keep the weight off since. Had I not done it in the first place then I think mornings would be harder, but I still feel pretty good when I get up. I've been in maintenance mode since the end of COVID and have more work to do. Starting today, I'm vowing to get back to a regular routine and start eating just a little cleaner. I love food too much to go on some fad diet, something I've talked about many times on this blog. If you don't have preexisting health conditions that affect your metabolism and/or weight, then calories in vs. calories out is the key to losing weight. You could lose weight while eating nothing but Twinkies, it wouldn't be healthy but it'd work. I'm not looking to really lose weight anyway, I'm still focused on increasing muscle and strength while lowering my body fat percentage. I don't need a six pack, I just want to feel somewhat comfortable with my shirt off.

Work has been a whirlwind wind over the last year and a half. In October of 2022, I was still working in my current section as the administrative specialist but was about to start a new job closer to home. I went from a pay grade 8 to a pay grade 16, which didn't double my salary (funny how that works) but was a significant increase. I was finally making decent money and was learning a lot. In the end it wasn't what I had expected or hoped for, but I used that experience to get my current position as I explained in a previous post. I've been the State's Primary Care Office Director for a little over 6 months and have really enjoyed growing into this role. I have a lot of expertise and knowledge to impart on our current admin and that I've used in the work I'm doing now. I think it's been my time being in a supervisory role and going out into the public to share and inform them of what we do that has made me feel more like an adult (or perhaps grown up) than ever. Even over the summer in my previous position I felt like a kid trying to find his way. Now I'm starting to feel like a professional who has a career and is working towards something. 

Home life has had the typical ups and downs when try to raise three young children and own a home. We've been in our current house for nearly 5 years now and it has been fairly easy to maintain, but fun surprises like our sump pump failing just a few weeks ago keep us on our toes. I love our average sized house even when it seems small sometimes with six of us in it. However, it works for us both in the space we have and the cost. I'd hate to have a significantly higher mortgage payment just for an extra bedroom or something. Over the next few months our kids will turn 11, 9, and 7. Where that time went, I have no clue. They're wonderful kids that get along...for the most part, are doing great in school with the Spanish Immersion Program, and continue to make us proud each and everyday. I know I need to be easier on them and that my expectations are often too high, especially with how they behave at home. 

My mental health, a topic I try to be as transparent about on here as possible, has been a bit of a rollercoaster since my Turning 32 post. What's helped the most was losing weight, exercising regularly, and most importantly starting to see a therapist. I've seen the same therapist for two, maybe three, years now and I'm fairly confident I wouldn't be where I am now with everything if it wasn't for them. By no means do I think I've got it all together or that my behavior has been stellar, especially lately. I still really struggle some days. Whether it's being incredibly short or aggressive towards the kids, feeling like I'm alone and thinking nobody can understand how this feels, or completely losing it when things don't go they way I expected them to (like pretty much every birthday since turning 32). This is and will continue to be a work in progress, one that I hope eventually helps me find peace and as much happiness as possible.

Board games continue to be an integral part of my life and I don't see that ever changing at this point. As with everything else, there have been ebbs and flows in my relationship with one of my favorite hobbies. For coming up on close to a year, I have been running a board game meetup group that gets together about four times a month on alternating Sundays and Wednesdays for a few hours. Even the group has seen quite a change. We started off really strong and had over a dozen players for a couple meetups. Then the store where we play closed for renovations and opened back up and since then it's only been a core of three of us with a few others joining here and there. I'm not complaining because we get along really well. I've been enjoying a bunch of new games and love being able to share some of my favorites that weren't always well received previously. Ideally we start to grow again, but I'm happy with the current state of things. 

I know I said this probably wasn't going to be as wordy, but I am who I am I guess. If you know me personally, I'll often just keep talking until you tell me to stop. I'm not like this with new people or at a party, but if I'm really comfortable with you then I'll share every experience, story, and opinion I have with you. Consider yourself...lucky?...if this has happened to you. I don't think turning 39 is any special milestone, just as I didn't think 32 was either. I probably won't post anything like this next year when I turn 40; a post about that seems more standard or like it makes more sense. I don't know, I think I'm starting to ramble at this point. What I do know is that today I turned 39 and tomorrow I will go to work and not want to talk about it because it doesn't matter. Thank you for reading.

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