Learning to lower my expectations

My 33rd birthday was Saturday and I learned a big lesson in lowering my expectations. I wasn't going to write about this originally because I've been complaining about what was going to happen this past weekend to anyone who would listen...and even to those who didn't want to hear it. You see, I don't normally look forward to my birthday. It's always fine, I get a few cards and gifts, some birthday wishes on social media, and usually a meal out with Christine. And I got all of those things again this year, but for this birthday I had planned out a whole day. One day. That's all I wanted. I don't think I was asking for a lot.

The reason I have been looking forward to this specific birthday is because 33 is my favorite number. It sounds stupid when I write it or say it out loud, but I have been looking forward to this birthday for literally years. It wasn't going to be anything crazy, I just wanted to eat food I liked for breakfast and lunch, play board games all day, and then have dinner out with Christine.

That all got ruined by another event that was scheduled for somebody else on the same day. I'm not going to get into every little thing that went wrong this weekend. I did get to do everything I wanted to do, spread over Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, which was probably better timing wise because I got to do more technically but it didn't come without its frustrations and disappointments. I know that I wasn't going to be satisfied because I knew I wasn't going to get to do what I wanted exactly the way I wanted to for a couple weeks before hand. So I came into this past weekend miserable as ever and that's on me. That was my thing to deal with but even today I'm not feeling any better about it now that it's over.

Ready for something really dramatic? I've had the constant thought that I'm going to die knowing that the one birthday I looked forward to in my adult life didn't happen the way it should have. I also stated multiple times that I no longer want to celebrated my birthday anymore. Whether I actually stick to that is unknown and probably not likely but this is how petty I am being over it. It's a stupid thing to celebrate, another year of living. But it's something we as a society do. So why shouldn't I have some expectations as to how that day of celebration should go?

All I know is that in doing the things I did and didn't get to do this weekend have taught me to lower my expectations for anything I want to be excited for going forward. That's me being really dramatic isn't it? It is. Don't care.

Thanks for reading.


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