Working in an office is one of the most boring things I've ever done. I'm over qualified for the position I'm in and was told as much by my former supervisor just weeks into the job. "So go do something else," you're saying to yourself. It's obviously not that easy. I have unbelievable benefits, a great group of coworkers, a flexible schedule, but don't know what path to take next. Why would I leave a job that while paying poorly, gives me a work-life balance like no other? Plus it's the lowest stress job I've had. Having worked in retail, banking, and customer service at a bakery, dealing with customers is one of my least favorite things in the world.
That leads me to the disappointment I have about what I thought was my dream of running my own food related business. I like to make people happy through food and wanted to do that since I was a kid. But I know I won't want to deal with the day to day attempts of trying to appease everyone. I don't care about people's complaints and have no interest in listening to them, especially if that's going to affect my livelihood. I could always just work in a kitchen if cooking or baking is what I really want, but those jobs don't pay and the hours are terrible in my situation of having a young family. My family means more to me than anything.
I think I've mentioned on this blog before that I tend to lose interest in doing things once I've "done" them. Once I've completed a project, like a game or novel, I eventually lose interest in the next design or story. I get to a point where I just don't care so I stop working on it. The jobs I've held are the same way. I excel at them for a while and then I just don't want to do them anymore. I still continue to be a great employee but my mood changes and in the past, people have noticed. I think I've done a pretty good job of not letting that happen here since nobody has said anything. I come in, do my work, and go home. That's all I really want but having some sense of matter or that I'm making a difference might fill the void I feel.
I try to imagine myself doing all types of work but I am quick to find the flaws with the ones that I think I might really enjoy. It's self sabotaging and unhealthy but it's just where my mind goes. I'm inherently lazy and not willing to take the risks for what could bring me happiness or at least fulfillment. Those are the problems I need to work on but I don't know how to change the way I think, if that's even possible. I'm not sure this post makes sense or has given me any idea on what to do next. It has taken a little bit of the weight off of my shoulders though. I just need to keep moving forward a little bit at a time until I find my purpose. It's all I can do.
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